Guest Postings

JEFF by Toinlicious

My bloody alarm blasted through my sleep-fogged brain and i groggily opened my eyes. It seemed i had just slept some few minutes ago but the bloody alarm showed me i had slept for 7 hours. I yawned and grudgingly rolled on the bed. I stretched my arm to switch the alarm off. Time to go to work. Thank God it was Friday. I loved Fridays. Most people did. After a week of hard work, a brother needed some time to unwind and Fridays were configured just for that. I was so looking forward to a night of partying, drinking and dancing.

I dragged myself into the bathroom and stepped into the shower. The splash of cold water completely woke me. The cold water felt good as it sprayed my body. I grabbed my sponge and soap and washed up. I was feeling relaxed and refreshed already. I always brushed my teeth under the shower. I enjoyed doing both bathing and teeth-washing simultaneously. I figured both were cleaning up and i might as well do them together. I stepped out of the shower and stood in front of my mirror naked and i did my usual happy dance. I always did this. It made me feel good and no, i’m not gay. Just insanely hot. Even i knew that. I also always made sure nobody caught me doing this. A brother didn’t need the teasing that would follow till the end of time.

As i got into the room i glanced at the time and i realized i was almost running late. “Hurry up big man the bike man will soon be here” My alter ego, Wayne, scolded me. Wayne could be mean. I needed to get a car badly. It was long overdue, besides every big boy had a car in this town and i liked to think of myself as a big boy. I flipped through my roll of shirts, looking for what to wear. My eyes settled on ‘Jeff”; my lucky shirt. You see, i named this shirt my lucky shirt because it was the most expensive item i owned. In fact, nobody knew who “Jeff” was but ‘Jeff’ was special to me. I only wore it whenever i was trying to impress. It was one of those shirts that stood out as if it was just made for me.

“Treat yourself man, today is Friday you and might just get lucky” Wayne whispered to me. I grabbed the shirt and put it on. I looked for an equally good looking but well worn pair of jeans to complete the look. I was trying to button it when i heard my phone beeping. I picked it from my night stand. It was the bike man. I hurriedly checked myself in the mirror, focussing on the Jeff” Hmn, my lucky shirt.

I grabbed my stuff and went out the door, locking it behind me. The bike man was silently straddling his bike, a sour look on his face. Maybe he had a squabble with his wife. Thank God I wasn’t in the mood for forced conversation anyway. I got on the bike and he rode off until we got to my usual drop off and i paid him. I entered the next taxi that would take me to work.

The thing about my place of work was that it wasn’t far from my house and i was lucky for this. The street my office was located on was like one of the busiest streets in town. The street had like a million different offices on it. Everybody always tried to look corporate and sharp. It was a silent competition. An unspoken contest. An unvoiced game. It was as if not looking sharp and clean was a sin. Of course nobody would verbally harass you but their looks, their nods and their smiles said it all.

Meeting the ladies as i walk to my office was always a torment. The chics always always drove me crazy. Lord have Mercy. There were some i was sure had never repeated a shirt or a blouse. Yea, i noticed them that much, i mean who wouldn’t? I always wondered how much they spent on their clothes. It was probably some rich boyfriend paying for their frivolities anyway. And boy, they always looked good. I had caught a couple of them giving me the man-you-wore-this-shirt-last-week-and-your-shoes-look-tired-because-they-need-replacement looks. The best days were days when i walked down to my office and didn’t meet any of my tormentors which rarely happened as there was always someone on the damn street. Or days like today when i was wearing ‘Jeff” and i knew i looked good. I told myself i didn’t care but i always checked myself in the mirror before leaving the house but i didn’t care today because Jeff was representing. What could go wrong?

Chika was the first I met. Chika was one of the tallest girls i have ever seen in my life. Mere looking at her made me dizzy. The chic was so tall she made me feel like a character in Gulliver’s Travels, but to my surprise she just nodded with a mysterious smile on her face as she walked by. Hmmm i must be looking smashing and too sharp for her this morning. I glanced back and she still had that small smile on her face, I felt good with myself.

Looking up I saw Bimpe. Now that’s a babe after my heart. She was very good looking and kept to herself. She had the kind of eyes you could drown in. We just started saying hellos and her office was right beside mine. Maybe i will ask her out later in the day. As i got near i saw a flash of surprise on her face and she quickly looked away. What the hell? What’s wrong? I slowed down and walked towards her, she barely lifted her head to say hi...my heart sank. Maybe she was not in a good mood this morning. As i reached my office i saw John my colleague coming out. Now John was one of those guys you didn’t like meeting. He always had something to say. He looked at me and burst out laughing “My guy, zip up. Your fly is open.

I have never felt so embarrassed in my life. So much for Jeff.